How people-pleasing is hurting your relationship

How people-pleasing is hurting your relationship

When you are a people-pleaser, you will undoubtedly be attracted to someone that is more commanding and controlling. This is because you can’t make decisions and have little to no goal in life, so you find reassurance in someone that tells you what to do and knows where they are going in life. Also, a people-pleaser will more than likely admire the person who is commanding and domineering, because this is someone a people-pleaser could never be.¬†Conversely, a commanding person will like a people-pleaser because he or she will do whatever he is told to do. This might work out for a while, but it will at some point go downhill, fast.

There is a reason why this won’t work. As a people-pleaser, you will do what you are told. Slowly but surely, you will build resentment toward your partner and your life will be miserable. Every time your partner tells you to do something you don’t want to do, you’ll begrudgingly agree. When your partner senses something is not right, you put on the best smile and convince him/her that you are loving whatever it is that you are hating. Eventually, you will break and lash out, causing a fight that, to your partner, seems to have come out of nowhere.

Another scenario is that your partner will stop trusting you. As a people-pleaser, you’ll have no problem lying to stay away from conflict. The problem is, your partner can sense more than what you think he/she can. The more he/she pries, the more you’ll lie. Eventually, all trust will be lost and he/she will be even more¬†disappointed and upset than he/she would’ve been if you told the truth in the first place. It really does not matter what the situation is, if you are a people-pleaser and if your partner is not, things will get ugly.

I am not sure how things would be if both of you were people-pleasers, but the thought of that is entertaining and the relationship could be sustainable. If you have any thoughts, feel free to comment below.

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