How did I become a people-pleaser?!?

How did I become a people-pleaser?!?

How did I become a people-pleaser?!? This is a question often asked by those feeling overwhelmed when they feel like they have to meet the needs of others before themselves. People-pleasers end up being “doormats” and feel obligated to say yes to everything. People-pleasers can’t look selfish or do anything out of self interest. This makes life extremely busy and hectic, oftentimes hyperventilating when there is any trouble or conflict.  So how does one become a people-pleaser? Experts think it has to do with childhood.

People tend to be people-pleasers when parents simply tell their kids what to do and the kids obey them to get conditional love. They become hardwired to do what they are told. This also results with kids growing up to be aimless and without goals because they are bombarded with orders and now subconsciously wired to go with the flow. If they don’t do what they are told, the kids fear that their parents will not love them or approve of them.  When these kids grow up, these habits transfers over to their adult lives.

Also, if the parents are not consistent in their actions toward their children, this could have adverse effects, especially if parents are abusive in any way. If the actions of the parents are not consistent, the child will try to compensate by being “pleasing.” People-pleasers FEAR other people, as a child would fear their parents when they think they did something wrong. Under an abusive household, this fear can be triggered at anytime, causing that person to be a chronic people-pleaser in their adult lives.

What is inevitable about a people-pleaser is that they will eventually explode. The person will inevitably become resentful and lash out towards their boss, co-worker, friend, or family member. Then this person will feel bad about his outburst and the cycle will start over again. Low self-esteem, self-victimization, and anxiety will be common problems. To solve this issue, stay tuned for more articles on this subject.

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