Blog entry #2

These past few days have been pretty busy so I haven’t been able to update this site as much as I’ve been wanting to.  I did buy a Total Gym from Craigslist a 2 days ago so that I can start working out. Working out boosts confidence and confidence is definitely a good thing. The years when I transitioned from high school to college, I think those were the best years of my life. While I was still a people-pleaser, I was a lot more confident and didn’t care what people thought of me as much. I contribute a lot of that to being really really fit. I had less than 7% body fat, which meant solid 6 pack abs. I was in great physical condition and felt great. I ran everyday and lifted weights. I think as my body image started to dwindle when I got lazy was when my people-pleaser characteristics resurfaced. It would be interesting to know if there are studies that correlate being overweight to depression. I am sure this is the case.

There have been a couple times when my tendency to please would come up. The worst part is at work when my managers would demand one thing and the customers demand another. I would have to listen to my managers but the customers would be very upset. What is really helping is this blog. I am looking for precise examples to write in my articles, but because I am doing that, it makes me think rationally. It helps me realize that I should not be personally effected the way I usually am for the trouble that arises at work. Yesterday I was in a situation where our mistake caused $1,500 in damages to a customer’s property. This was a situation where I would normally hyperventilate. While I was personally involved in this incident, I was not personally  liable and that was something that I kept repeating to myself. It was not my fault, because it wasn’t. We people-pleasers tend to take blame and fault for everything and then, we have to fix it. This is the thought process we have to stop and look at the bigger picture.

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Blog entry #1: At the workplace

There was only one moment today that my people-pleaser personality came out. I am a manager at a tire store and upper management called in an emergency meeting later on that day. The meeting was taking place over 100 miles away and there was no one to close the store because my sales associate put in personal time and did not come to work. He asked me if he could take the day off to move. So I told my manager that I could not make the meeting because there was no one else to close the store. The manager responded by saying, “What do you mean he can’t work today?? Unless he put in a request for personal time weeks ago, refuse to give him today. You are his SUPERVISOR and as his SUPERVISOR, tell him to come into work a 2pm.” At this point, I felt really conflicted. I felt anxiety and panic. I knew this was my people-pleaser side of me kicking in. I did not call my sales associate but just forwarded him the email, the conversation I had with my manager. Luckily, he was able to come in. I have no idea what I would have done if he couldn’t make it.

Also, my boss told me that he is thinking of promoting me and sent me a personality test to take. Even when taking the test, I pick personality traits that I want to be rather than traits that I really am. So far, I haven’t made too much progress from stop being a people-pleaser, but this was only day 2.

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Start of a long journey

Start of a long journey

I always knew I had a problem. I was afraid of letting people down and was always thinking of scenarios in my head before saying no, that is if I could say no. I commit to things I do not want to do and grow resentful. If I say no to someone, I always have to have some kind of elaborate excuse where me saying no is not reflected on me, but reflects on something that I have no control of.

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