Blog entry #1: At the workplace

There was only one moment today that my people-pleaser personality came out. I am a manager at a tire store and upper management called in an emergency meeting later on that day. The meeting was taking place over 100 miles away and there was no one to close the store because my sales associate put in personal time and did not come to work. He asked me if he could take the day off to move. So I told my manager that I could not make the meeting because there was no one else to close the store. The manager responded by saying, “What do you mean he can’t work today?? Unless he put in a request for personal time weeks ago, refuse to give him today. You are his SUPERVISOR and as his SUPERVISOR, tell him to come into work a 2pm.” At this point, I felt really conflicted. I felt anxiety and panic. I knew this was my people-pleaser side of me kicking in. I did not call my sales associate but just forwarded him the email, the conversation I had with my manager. Luckily, he was able to come in. I have no idea what I would have done if he couldn’t make it.

Also, my boss told me that he is thinking of promoting me and sent me a personality test to take. Even when taking the test, I pick personality traits that I want to be rather than traits that I really am. So far, I haven’t made too much progress from stop being a people-pleaser, but this was only day 2.

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How people-pleasing is hurting your relationship

How people-pleasing is hurting your relationship

When you are a people-pleaser, you will undoubtedly be attracted to someone that is more commanding and controlling. This is because you can’t make decisions and have little to no goal in life, so you find reassurance in someone that tells you what to do and knows where they are going in life. Also, a people-pleaser will more than likely admire the person who is commanding and domineering, because this is someone a people-pleaser could never be. Conversely, a commanding person will like a people-pleaser because he or she will do whatever he is told to do. This might work out for a while, but it will at some point go downhill, fast.

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How did I become a people-pleaser?!?

How did I become a people-pleaser?!?

How did I become a people-pleaser?!? This is a question often asked by those feeling overwhelmed when they feel like they have to meet the needs of others before themselves. People-pleasers end up being “doormats” and feel obligated to say yes to everything. People-pleasers can’t look selfish or do anything out of self interest. This makes life extremely busy and hectic, oftentimes hyperventilating when there is any trouble or conflict.  So how does one become a people-pleaser? Experts think it has to do with childhood.

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Start of a long journey

Start of a long journey

I always knew I had a problem. I was afraid of letting people down and was always thinking of scenarios in my head before saying no, that is if I could say no. I commit to things I do not want to do and grow resentful. If I say no to someone, I always have to have some kind of elaborate excuse where me saying no is not reflected on me, but reflects on something that I have no control of.

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